Once Upon a Nightclub
by Clinically Insane
Summary: (Lance/Kitty)(Remy/Rogue) Remy's tired of playing referee and goes out for a night on the town and it all goes down hill from there. [revised version]. I have turned this into a running series just click on my name.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own no one with the exception of the international assassin. Warning [With big ass flashing lights and alarms]: First fic ever, please be gentle (considering I've never written with an accent before).  
  
Chapter 1  
  
"That tears it, Toad!" yelled Avalanche at the top of his lungs, "I'm going to kill you and then nail your slimy hide to my wall as a trophy!"  
  
"Whoa, take it easy, man! I just drove your truck around the block, it's not like I took it to Tijuana and back!" yelled Toad in retort bounding through various rooms of the first floor.  
  
"Then why is the backseat and all four tires MISSING?!"  
  
The ground began to vibrate, then to shake and finally the floorboards in the main hall. Toad lost his footing and went down for the count. In a split second Avalanche was on top of Toad choking the life out of his gross, little slimy carcass.  
  
"Say 'hello' to my dog when you get to the other side!" growled and enraged Avalanche.  
  
Just at that moment Wanda rounded the corner leisurely flipping through a volume of Crime & Punishment.  
  
"Sweetems . . . ack . . . Help!" Toad managed to choke out before Lance's grip tightened.  
  
"Pietro, your friends are being weird, again!" fumed Wanda without looking up from her book.  
  
Pietro sped to the doorway and leaned against the door frame casually, "Do you two need to be alone?" he asked with a smirk.  
  
"Aren't you going to attempt to stop them?" questioned Wanda, looking up, inquisitively, from her book.  
  
"Na, better to just let them settle it on their own." said Pietro giving his sibling an omnipotent glance.  
  
"Hey, what's going on?" asked Fred, who appeared in the doorway behind Pietro.  
  
"Nothing important and where is my sandwich?!" yelled Pietro.  
  
"Oh, not this again!" groaned Wanda, rolling her eyes.  
  
A whole new fight was on the verge of beginning when the front door flew open and one of Buckethead's newest jackals (AN: jackal=henchman) walked in, you know, the one famous for his calling cards.  
  
"What de HELL be goin' on in 'ere?" asked Remy in disgust as he dropped his duffle bag on the floor.  
  
"Wanda . . . baby . . . please . . . (cough)" said Toad as the room began to spin and darken.  
  
"I bl'eve dat'll be enough for one night, non?" said Remy as he pried Lance's hands from Toad's throat and stabled him on one hip, parallel to the ground and in mid air.  
  
"Hey, put me down!" yelled a rather annoyed Lance.  
  
"Dey not payn' Remy enough for dis," he said as he rolled his red and black eyes.  
  
By this time Toad was coming around and quickly backed against the wall as soon as he saw Remy, not wanting a repeat of last time when he nearly became a roman candle.  
  
"What are you doing here?" asked an indignant Pietro.  
  
"Mags, sent me," explained Remy as he pulled a white envelope from his back pocket as Lance continued to struggle using every curse he could think of.  
  
Pietro seized the envelope and pulled out a letter. It read:  
  
Pietro,  
  
News of your discrepancies reached me all the way at HQ. This is unacceptable and in no way, shape or form can continue. Therefore I have issued Remy your new leader until all of you can behave as the future royalty of the world.  
  
Shape up or ship out,  
  
M  
  
"You've got to be kidding me!" exclaimed Pietro discarding the letter like a piece of filth.  
  
"Remy not thrilled 'bout dis new set up either, so start getting your acts together, non?"  
  
"This is an outrage, I'm calling him," said Pietro as he dashed off to find a phone.  
  
"Put me down you mother . . ." Lance began before receiving a hard shake from Remy.  
  
"Merde, pup din' your ma'ma teach you not to use dat kind a language in fron'a de fillies?" said Remy scowling at Avalanche then glancing up at Wanda.  
  
"If you would put me down I wouldn't have to!" shouted Lance.  
  
"Dat's it! Chère could you tell Remy where de nearest bar of soap be?"  
  
"Sure, upstairs, first right (AN: I have no idea where the bathroom is.)," said Wanda still a bit in the dark.  
  
"Merci, chère," said Remy as he headed for the stairs.  
  
"Wait, why are you here?" Wanda felt she had the right to know.  
  
"To baby-sit, ma chère, to baby-sit," Remy explained, "and you" he turned to glare at Toad, "bring that up to my room," he looked pointedly at his duffle bag.  
  
"Dis gonna be a lon' night," thought Remy.  
  
The poor little SOB had no idea. After just two days, school days mind you, of playing referee, Remy was ready to hang himself by his shoelaces.  
  
"Tank God dis Friday," thought Remy as he got ready to go out for the evening.  
  
He did one final inspection in the bathroom mirror and smirked as he glanced at the bar of soap resting beside the sink (it still had Lance's teeth marks in it). Then Remy walked downstairs and into the TV room where everyone had congregated to watch an Indiana Jones marathon on AMC (AN: American Movie Classics). He walked over to the television and promptly unplugged it.  
  
After the initial groans and death threats Remy made his announcement, "Remy's goin' out for de evenin' and by de evening Remy mean 'till dawn. Dis house bett' be standin' when Remy return, non? An' tomorrow ya'll best find somewhere da go because Remy's gon' be in no mood to do de talk'n, hear?" with that Remy plugged the TV back in and went on his merry way.  
  
"Did anyone understand a word of that?" asked Wanda.  
  
"No," was the unanimous answer.  
  
"I'm gonna go make some more popcorn," said Blob. 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own no one with the exception of the international assassin.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Remy hopped on his new ride, which he had just stolen this morning and gunned it to the city. He had seen an advertisement for a ritzy new dance club Sub Zero. Remy figured he would be able to steal a king's ransom in jewelry and wallets and if he happened to meet a loose, rich young heiress he had enough money for a hotel room, to give her an hour of pleasure and then rob her blind. The possibilities were endless. Unfortunately for Remy tonight was going to be one he would remember for a long time to come.  
  
The outside wasn't much to look at, but the inside was a completely different story. There were diamonds upon the diamonds and rubies upon the rubies. Remy had hit the preverbal thieves' jackpot. It was a thing of beauty. Now all Remy had to do was keep from visibly drooling.  
  
Remy's admiring was interrupted by an extremely beautiful woman running into him, literally.  
  
SLAM!  
  
"What de HELL?" asked Remy regaining his balance.  
  
"Oh, I am so sorry, I did not hert you did I? Dere is a man after me and I am very frightened," said a petite snowy haired woman with amethyst eyes and a heavy Slavic accent in all white. Her clothes and make-up were white and both her earrings and necklace were made of diamonds. She even had small crystals glues onto her skin that traced the curve of her eyebrows. Complete with tight corset, look of sheer terror and heaving bosom she was stunning.  
  
The classic D.I.D. (damsel in distress) scenario, any thief's dream, he would have to be a total stone to let this opportunity pass him by.  
  
"Remy, assures you, chère, dere is no problem. I tink you could use a drink, ma treat."  
  
"Vhy how generous of you, Remy." said the woman beginning to calm down.  
  
After three rounds and a dance number that would have put the Rockettes to shame Remy wasn't feeling too hot. So he decided to screw the motorcycle (NOT LITERALLY, honestly people and their imaginations these days, my word! Now where the hell was I.ah, yes) and call a cab to take him home. It was strange; by the end of the night the woman seemed to be missing a crystal from either eyebrow. Remy would have thought about it further, but it felt like his intestinal track was being tied in knots. Remy just gave the cabbie a wad of cash, he was in too much pain to listen to, let alone argue with him.  
  
The sun was beginning creep over the horizon as Remy staggered into the house. Luckily, everyone had gone to bed and the house was quiet. Remy barely made it to the couch before he collapsed in to the serenity of the darkness that surrounded him. 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own no one with the exception of the international assassin.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Long about 2 in the afternoon the front door flew open with a "BANG!". After a second or two of scrambling it slammed again, louder than before. A female voice could be heard giggling.  
  
A woman's shirt went sailing and landed at the threshold of the living room followed by two figures landing on it. The figures' of Lance and Kitty who were kissing each other madly and yes kitty's torso was only clothed in a Victoria Secret's bra and in a few more minutes the secret would have be out, only Kitty noticed something.  
  
Lance hastily unzipped his jeans and started to remove them.  
  
"Like not so fast, Lance, we have four hours."  
  
The two stopped kissing and looked at each other.  
  
"That's it?! Shit, we better get started!" said Lance in a panic as he dropped his hands and quickly unfastened her jeans.  
  
While, Lance was swearing at the metal button, Kitty noticed Remy laying on the couch.  
  
"Oh My God, Lance, Stop!" yelled Kitty.  
  
"What? Why?!" questioned Lance.  
  
"Uh, like there's a guy on the couch!" exclaimed Kitty.  
  
"What?!" Lance turned to look at the couch, "Relax, that's just Remy," he said as he turned his attention back to Kitty's pants."  
  
"Uh, Lance, he's like there!" Kitty persisted.  
  
"So, he likes to watch. C'mon we're wasting time," Lance went back to kissing Kitty's neck.  
  
"Lance, he's not moving!" said kitty grabbing Lance by the hair to remove his face from her cleavage.  
  
"He had a rough night last night. He's just tired." offered Lance.  
  
"Are you sure he's breathing?" asked kitty.  
  
"I dunno," said Lance.  
  
It was at that exact moment that Wanda per-chanced to walk into the main hall.  
  
"Damn it, Lance!" swore Wanda, "Why can't you do that kind of stuff in your own room?"  
  
"That would take all the danger out of it." Lance shot back in retort, "Now, Where were we?" he asked turning his attentions back to Kitty.  
  
"Ugh, Lance, get off!" growled Kitty as she shoved Lance to one side.  
  
"Here," said Wanda offering a hand to Kitty, "Lance, you must really like danger, considering Remy will have your hide if you wake him up."  
  
"Thanks," said Kitty. Once she was on her feet she put on her shirt. "Like that's the problem, he didn't wake up. We slammed the door twice and fell on the floor and he's like still asleep!"  
  
"That's odd, Remy's normally a light sleeper, as in you could drop a pin in Tijuana and he would wake up."  
  
"Do you think he's ok?" asked Kitty.  
  
"Who cares?" said Lance buttoning his jeans.  
  
"Like, I care ," said Kitty angrily, "now go over there and see if he's ok or there's a good chance of castration!"  
  
Lance swallowed hard. He and Remy may have pissed each other off from time to time, but he knew better than to invoke the wrath of Kitty (Last time he made her mad he was forced to go "cold turkey" for a month and a half.), "Look Kitty, Remy and I are not exactly on the best of terms right now and the last thing I want is a couch pillow exploding in my face." Lance explained as calmly and rationally as he could.  
  
"We're wasting time. I'll go check on him." said Wanda.  
  
Wanda walked over to the couch and knelt down. Remy was in the same position as when she left in the morning, just sprawled out on his stomach as if someone had dropped him there.  
  
"Remy," whispered Wanda, no response, she glanced back at Kitty and Lance.  
  
"Shake him," offered Kitty.  
  
"Remy," said Wanda rubbing his back gently.  
  
"HHMMMMmmmm?" Remy growled.  
  
"See? He's fine!" stated Lance.  
  
"I guess you're ri." Kitty began just as Remy started to cough.  
  
When Remy removed his hand from his mouth Wanda gasped in horror.  
  
"Like, what is it?" asked Kitty.  
  
"Hi.His hand.it's covered in blood!" exclaimed Wanda.  
  
"Oh My God, Lance, go get your truck!" yelled Kitty as she smacked Lance's arm.  
  
"We're not going far without a backseat and tires!" Lance shot back.  
  
"What?!" asked Kitty in dismay.  
  
"Long story, I'll call a cab!" said Lance as he ran for the phone.  
  
Kitty ran forward and to help Wanda lift Remy.  
  
"C'mon Remy, time to get up!" said an exasperated Wanda.  
  
"Non chère, later, Gambit not feelin' too hot." said Remy painfully.  
  
"Not too hot." said Kitty, "He's got to be kidding us, he's burning up!"  
  
"Cab's here!" yelled Lance from the doorway.  
  
"C'mon, Remy, time to go," said Wanda.  
  
"Lance, come here and give us a hand!" yelled Kitty.  
  
After what seemed a prolonged struggle all four had situated themselves into the cab. Lance sat in the front with the driver, while Kitty and Wanda sat in the back with Remy.  
  
"Where to?" asked the driver.  
  
"Take us to the Xavior Institute and STEP ON IT!" yelled Kitty.  
  
With a loud screeching of tires the small yellow taxi sped off to the institute. 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own no one with the exception of the international assassin.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Once at the institute Lance paid the Cab driver, while Wanda and Kitty took Remy inside to seek out the Professor and Mr. McCoy. Unfortunately the four-some (and again a heaping handful of 'NO, NO BAD DOG!', for the love of cheese people!) they ran into Wolverine first. To make matters worse, Wolverine was headed to the Danger Room and was a force to be reckoned with. Why did it always have to be the hard way?  
  
"HALF-PINT!" yelled Wolverine.  
  
"M-M-Mr. Logan, what are you doing here?" asked Kitty attempting to take the tremble out of her voice.  
  
"I live here, Half-pint and so do you!" yelled Logan, "The question is what are they doing here!"  
  
"That is a good question."Kitty trailed off.  
  
"ANSWER IT!" shouted Wolverine, who was beginning to resemble Sabertooth by now.  
  
"Um." Kitty could feel herself starting to panic, luckily after about three more seconds before she just got annoyed with Logan's coarse greeting, "Look, Mr. Logan I have had it with your abrasive BULLSHIT. We're pretty sure Remy's bleeding internally so you get two options: 1) Use that super sensitive nose of yours to track down the Professor and Mr. McCoy or 2) GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!"  
  
Her voice reverberated off of the mansions cold and hallowed halls. Lance, Wanda and even Remy were all staring at Kitty and Logan gaping at each other.  
  
"What's all the yelling about?" asked Mr. McCoy walking up one of the halls with the Professor wheeling along behind him.  
  
"Oh, Professor, thank God. Remy."  
  
"It's alright, Kitty, I know. Logan, take Remy here down to the medical lab. Kitty why don't take Lance and Wanda into the commons room and we'll tell you what we find as soon as we can."  
  
Logan rolled his eyes, the last thing he wanted was to baby-sit one of Magneto's thugs, especially before his personal session in the Danger Room, "C'mon, kid, let's go."  
  
Remy took one look at Wolverine and wrapped his arms tightly around Wanda, "I'm fine (cough), really."  
  
"Is that why you just put a fresh coat of blood on your hand?" asked Logan, "You're not foolin' anyone kid, I can smell it."  
  
"Ok, Remy, a little tight," said Wanda trying to loosen the ever constricting grip around her waist.  
  
"Remy, I assure you we are not here to hurt you." Professor Xavior tried to calm the tense situation at hand.  
  
After a little more coaxing and a lot more pulling, Logan was finally able to drag Remy down to the Medical Lab. Kitty, Lance and Wanda gat as comfortable as they could in the Commons Room, while the Professor and Mr. McCoy headed down to the Medical Lab exchanging looks of worry along the way. There was a lot hanging in the balance. If they could help Remy more of Magneto's team may see the mansion as more of a safe haven, whereas if they were unable to help Remy they could very well have a full scale war on their hands.  
  
Kitty look uncharacteristically weary as she sat in the Commons Room with Lance and Wanda.  
  
"Are you alright?" asked Lance.  
  
"Ya, I'll be fine in like a few minutes," said Kitty, "I never realized how much yelling took out of you. No wonder Mr. Logan is always in a bad mood."  
  
Lance couldn't help, but snicker. 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own no one with the exception of the international assassin.  
  
Chapter 5  
Down in the medical lab things weren't going so great.  
  
*CRASH* a table of medical utensils went down for the count.  
  
"Easy, it's just a stethoscope," said Hank, "I just want to see if your heart beat is irregular at all, you don't even have to take off your shirt, ok?"  
  
After some initial poking and prodding Hank decided it was best to stop before the poor kid had conniption fit. Everything seemed fine, it didn't make any sense and if anything Remy seemed to be getting worse.  
  
"Are you sure it's not just hangover?" asked Logan gruffly.  
  
"When was the last time you were coughing up blood from a hang over?" asked Hank rather coarsely.  
  
"God, how much did you drink, kid?" asked Logan trying to keep Remy from falling over.  
  
"Three, dat's it, Remy swears."  
  
"It took more than three to do this," said Logan as he shot a judgmental look towards Professor Xavior.  
  
"One way to find out," said Hank.  
  
"How?" asked Logan.  
  
"We can examine a sample of the contents of his stomach." Hank explained.  
  
"I don' kno' if Remy likes de sound of dat." by now Remy was almost doubled over from pain.  
  
"I don't know," said Logan, "Isn't he bleeding internally, won't that just aggravate it?"  
  
"Not necessarily, the blood is coming from his lungs, not his stomach," explained the professor.  
  
"Is dat spost' be de up side?" asked Remy in misery.  
  
Before Logan had a chance to answer with a snide remark Storm walked into the room.  
  
Remy just about knocked Logan over when he jumped back at the sight of Storm. Apparently he was still a little skidish around white hair. A rack of paper cups, a box of plastic gloves and a wooden shelf went crashing to the ground.  
  
"Calm down," said Logan regaining his balance, "that's just Storm."  
  
"What is going on down here? I could hear something crashing from the second floor." said Storm.  
  
"Everything is fine, Storm." the professor assured her, "Remy is just a little under the weather."  
  
Ever since she had first heard that saying, Storm had always hated it, frowning she replied, "Charles, surely you must be joking. He can barely stand."  
  
Storm started to cross over to help Logan, but Remy started to tremble, although not visibly.  
  
"Stormy, why don't you go check on the crew in the commons room, no tells what kind of trouble they could've gotten in by now. We've got this pretty much under control." said Logan quickly, having sensed Remy's increasing fear and not wanting the situation to escalate any more.  
  
Storm gave Logan a funny look, but before she had a chance to say anything Hank intervened.  
  
"And while your up their tell Lance to bring some of Remy's clothes over. He's going to be spending the night."  
  
"Quoi?!" (AN: "What": is that right? Anyone, anyone, Beuler?) asked a dismayed Remy.  
  
"Come now, Mr. Lebeau, your experience here hasn't been that bad." said Hank attempting to lighten the mood a little.  
  
Remy wasn't listening. He was too busy watching Hank fill a syringe with a yellow tinted fluid. Maybe it was the pointy end of the needle or perhaps the though of what his current employer would do to him if he ever found out that drained all the remaining color from Remy's face.  
  
"Mr. Lebeau?" asked Hank.  
  
"Uh, Hank, he just stopped breathing," said Logan.  
  
"Remy, I assure you we won't tell Magneto of this meeting. There is no need to worry." said the professor, he would have gone through Remy's thoughts from last night, but he was just too tense to get a good reading.  
  
Remy started breathing again, but it was shallow.  
  
"Logan, roll up one of this sleeves," said Hank as he put some rubbing alcohol on a cotton swab.  
  
----------  
  
"Like I hope everything is ok," said Kitty, "they've been down their along time."  
  
"I'm sure he's fine," said Lance leaning back in his chair.  
  
"It's getting late," said Wanda, "we should head back Lance and tell everyone what happened."  
  
"Hey, Storm!" greeted Kitty as the African Goddess walked into the room.  
  
"Kitty, Wanda, Lance," Storm addressed each teen individually.  
  
"What the HELL's going on down there it sounds like they're killing him down there," exclaimed Lance.  
  
"This isn't going to be good, is it?" asked Kitty.  
  
"I'm afraid not, child." Storm began, "I can't tell you much, but they sent me up to have you bring some of Remy's clothes over."  
  
----------  
  
Hank figured he'd best try to reason with Remy, rather than rushing through things and risking personal injury, "All this is going to do," Hank began as he cleaned off a spot of Remy's arm, "is make you throw up."  
  
Remy winced slightly as he watched part of the needle disappear into his arm.  
  
"Any questions?" asked Hank.  
  
Remy shook his head 'no'.  
  
"Good and just one final request, aim for the sink," said Hank as he shut the drain of the stainless stele medical lab sink.  
  
It only took about two minutes before Remy's knees started to buckle from now even more pressure in his stomach.  
  
"Ok, let's just get you closer to the sink," said Logan as he lifted Remy's torso over the sink and then leaned against the cabinets.  
  
About two seconds later part of the contents of Remy's stomach hit the bottom of the sink. 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own no one with the exception of the international assassin.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
Kitty and Lance returned with a duffle bag of Remy's clothes a while later. They decided to walk and stopped for a couple of "detours" along the way. Storm suggested that they not say anything to the other Brotherhood members and if they should ask tell them Remy had to attend to some business in New York and asked them to forward his clothes. It was definitely uncomfortable for Kitty to be at the Brotherhood's manner and not only because the X-Men were technically holding their leader hostage, but because everyone was home and let's face it she wasn't very good at lying.  
  
"Lance, what if I like let something slip," Kitty whined.  
  
"Let me do all the talking." said Lance, "All you have to do is go up to his room and dump out the top dresser drawer into a duffle bag."  
  
"Ok, sounds like a plan," said Kitty nervously.  
  
"Just follow my lead," said Lance as he opened the door.  
  
As Lance and Kitty walked through the door only to be greeted by the cold stares of the members of the brotherhood; Kitty started to panic. Peitro was the first to approach the couple. He was sporting his usual pissed off expression.  
  
"Where is Wanda and what is she doing here?" interrogated Pietro.  
  
"I haven't seen Wanda all day and I think you would know by now why she's here." Said Lance with a wicked smirk. True, he had taken it a bit far, but he had to use anything as a distraction to throw Pietro off the scent of their true mission. Lance knew if Pietro found out about Wanda and Remy's true whereabouts he would go through the roof and call Buckethead into the situation, and then not even Professor Xavior himself could save him.  
  
Kitty gasped and punched Lance's shoulder, "Lance, like what an awful thing to say!"  
  
"Ow!" yelped Lance.  
  
Pietro tried to suppress laugh, "I can see things are still 'hot and cold' with you two. By the way you haven't heard from Remy, have you?"  
  
"Since when do you care about Remy?" asked Lance.  
  
Just the name made Kitty start to tear up. God only knows what Mr. Logan was doing to him. He tortured the kids at the institute everyday for two hours every morning and they were the closest thing to family he had. Remy didn't stand a chance.  
  
"Well, last night was so peaceful without the warden I was just wondering if we were going to be on our own again." Pietro said simply.  
  
"I think he did call," said Lance, "around 3, 3:30 he said he had some business to clear up in Buffalo. He won't be back to night."  
  
"Sweet!" Toad chimed in, "I going back out."  
  
'Buffalo' did it for Kitty. She ran up stairs to Remy's room with tears in her eyes and slammed the door behind her.  
  
"That was. odd." Piertro ventured.  
  
"Uh, ya." Lance stammered, "you know women and hormones."  
  
Fred and Pietro looked at each other, "Why is she gonna have a baby or something?" inquired Fred.  
  
All the color left Lance's face. Kitty had been acting strange today. First she was happy, then sad, then angry, then tired, then angry and now sad again. What was up with that?  
  
"I'm just going to go and check on that," said Lance making a mad dash for the stairs.  
  
"You do that." said Pietro with an evil glint in his eye, "C'mon Blob Wheel of Fortune's on in 5."  
  
Lance flew into Remy's room and slammed the door behind him. He stood there dumbfounded for a few seconds as he watched Kitty calmly packing Remy's clothes into a duffle bag. It didn't make sense she was fine now, but two minutes ago she was pouring on the water works.  
  
Finally, Lance found his voice, "Kitty," he walked over to her and took one of her hands, "you're."  
  
"Really relieved that worked," Kitty cut him off.  
  
"Really relieved what worked?" asked Lance swallowing hard.  
  
"That whole running out of the room thing, I knew that would like get Pietro off our case. Men can't handle it when women cry. At least it always works with my father. Whenever my mother goes out of town on business I can always get whatever I want out of my father. Lance, are you like, ok?" Kitty suddenly noticed Lance's lack of color. "So you're not." Lance trailed off.  
  
"Not what?" asked Kitty in her usual perky tone.  
  
"Not." Lance shrugged and looked at Kitty's stomach.  
  
"Not what, Lance?" asked Kitty beginning to loose her patients.  
  
"You know." Lance gestured to her stomach.  
  
Kitty got a wicked gleam in her eye, putting the free hand on her stomach and squeezing Lance's hand said, "Why Lance, it was supposed to be your Christmas present."  
  
"W-Wh-Wh-What?" Lance felt faint.  
  
"Lance," whispered Kitty, "I'm kidding."  
  
Lance staggered backwards and propped himself up on the dresser, "Kitty, I just want you to know that I was three seconds from joining Remy in med lab."  
  
"Speaking of Remy we are in his room, your teammates are downstairs and Logan is all the way back at the Institute, whadaya say? How about a quick one before we go back?"  
  
"Normally, the answer would be yes without question, five minutes ago the answer would have been yes without question, but now I would rather just bring these clothes to Remy, come back here and lay awake in bed for the rest of the night." said Lance hyperventilating.  
  
Kitty opened the window and threw the bag out the window, so Pietro and Blob wouldn't see them leave with it. She looked back at Lance who was still rather shell shocked and couldn't help, but laugh. 


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own no one with the exception of the international assassin.  
  
Chapter 7  
  
By the time they made it back to the Institute it was dark and Scott let them in.  
  
"Summers," Lance greeted coldly.  
  
"Alvers," Scott replied (A.N.: Is that how you spell Lance's last name).  
  
"Stop it, both of you!" said Jean sternly as she walked in with Wanda and Rouge.  
  
But of course they didn't and while Lance and Scott had their battle of wits the women got to talking.  
  
"So, will you be spending the night with us, Wanda?" asked Jean.  
  
"No, I should actually be getting back, Pietro would've noticed my absence by now." said Wanda.  
  
"Take Lance with you." said Kitty, "I think he's had enough for like one day."  
  
Whadda ya mean?" asked Rogue.  
  
Kitty smiled, "I'll tell you later."  
  
----------  
  
Meanwhile back at the lab they hit rock bottom and then they found a jackhammer (Oh, ya like you couldn't figure it out on your own! C'mon people you have been paying attention, right?!).  
  
"Whose idea was it to make him throw, again?" asked Logan as he wiped Remy's mouth with a wet towel for what seemed like the thousandth time, "He's been vomiting for two hours."  
  
"Logan, if you want a break I'll send for Storm." offered Professor Xavior.  
  
"That's ok Chuck," Logan reconsidered when he saw Remy shudder.  
  
"It doesn't make any sense," said Hank as he looked through a microscope, "I don't see anything, but alcohol. You're sure you had three, right?"  
  
"(cough) Remy's sure"  
  
Hank shot a disbelieving look toward Logan.  
  
"He's telling the truth Hank. He had a beer, a cosmopolitan and some sex on the beach." Logan explained.  
  
Before Hank had a chance to respond Rouge walked in.  
  
"Ah know ah didn't here what ah thought ah heard." said the sultry southern belle.  
  
"It's a mixed drink, get your mind outta the gutter, Stripes." said Logan.  
  
"Sure, whatever, Jean sent me down with Gambit's stuff and what happened down here? It looks like El Nino threw a party and forgot to clean up." said Rouge as she turned to leave.  
  
"Wait a minute, Rouge." said Professor X, "I need you to watch Remy for a few minutes, while we talk."  
  
"You're kiddin' me, right?" asked Rouge sarcastically.  
  
"C'mon stripes he can't be that bad, can he?" asked Logan mockingly as he handed the towel to Rogue.  
  
"Lock your door tonight." Rogue said narrowing her eyes.  
  
"Be nice," growled Logan, "I mean it stripes, don't hurt him or it's just gonna be you and me tomorrow morning in the Danger room."  
  
With that Rouge and Remy were left alone.  
  
Rogue looked at the cold, damp towel in her hand and then Remy, "What the hell are you lookin' at Swamp Rat?"  
  
"Remy be lookin' at a sight for (cough) sore eyes, Chère."  
  
"Spare me," Rogue rolled her eyes.  
  
"What you tink Gambit be (cough) lyin', Chère? Dat's not nice."  
  
"Don't push me, Cajun! Ah swear, even afta two hours throwin' up you somehow find the energy to hit on any woman within earshot."  
  
"Spose your right, you tink Remy would learn, but non." Remy said as he slumped down beside the cabinet hugging .his lower torso.  
  
"What are you babblin' about?" asked an annoyed Rogue.  
  
"Last night, chère, I met a beautiful woman with white hair and violet eyes(cough)."  
  
"So?" asked Rogue as she ran the towel under cold water.  
  
*Rogue, keep him talking* the Professor's came through loud and clear in Rogue's head *Maybe he can answer some of our questions*  
  
"Why me?" thought Rogue.  
  
"(cough) I'm probably borin' you 'dough" Remy said as he put his head back against cabinet.  
  
"You'd be surprised how much it takes to bore me, Swamp Rat. I live here don't I?" said Rogue in a bit of disgust, "Where'd you meet her?"  
  
"Sub Zero, a new club in de city, rrrrr," Remy growled as he shifted his weight.  
  
"Ya'll right?" asked Rough as she wrung out the towel.  
  
"I tought you din' care, Chère."  
  
"Ah'm still on the fence."  
  
"Still on de fence?! (cough) Well den I guess Remy jus' gonna have to tell you 'bout the rest of de evenin'."  
  
"Like ah got a choice," said Rogue as she sat down beside Remy, "So, you met a woman, so what?"  
  
"So, she was runnin' away from sometin', she din say. She also had dis odd accent."  
  
"Ya don't say," said Rogue sarcastically.  
  
The conversation continued on for about a half hour with constant prompting from the professor before Hank came back in to relieve Rogue. The only useful piece of information Remy gave them was the location, Sub Zero.  
  
"Alright Rogue, I think you've suffered enough for one night." said Mr. McCoy with a big smile, "Why don't you take Remy to one of the recovery rooms. I think he's had enough for one night."  
  
Hank took a phonebook out of one of the drawers of his desk and then walked out again.  
  
Rogue helped Remy to his feet and out of the lab to a recovery room. She sat Remy down on the bed and turned to retrieve his duffle bag. Although before she turned to leave, she spun around to face him.  
  
"Don't even think about leaving this room or I will personally beat the ever living crap out you, got it?" asked Rogue.  
  
"Oui, Chère" said Remy with a new found fear for Rogue.  
  
"Good, now lay down. No, all the way down. Good boy, Now STAY!"  
  
By the time Rogue returned with Remy's stuff; Logan was standing in the room taking Remy' shoes off.  
  
"Logan what are you." Rogue began as she put the duffle bag down.  
  
"SSSHHHhhh, Stripes! He finally went to sleep, let's try to keep it that way," Logan scolded.  
  
"Did you want me to stay up with him?" asked Rogue trying to hide her true longing to stay in the room with Remy.  
  
"That's ok, you go off to bed. I think the professor if going to send Storm down later." said Logan.  
  
"I thought he didn't like bein' around Storm too much." Rogue ventured.  
  
"He doesn't." said Logan with a wicked smile.  
  
"And Ah'm the one who is supposed to be nice?" asked Rogue cynically.  
  
The two smirked at each other and walked back up to the main hall together. There they parted ways. Logan went off to go start a bar room brawl to make up for his missed training session earlier, although the afternoon wasn't a total loose. I mean he came as close to torturing one of Mags guys as mutantly possible Chuck would ever let him. The afternoon hadn't been a total loose.  
  
Rogue on the other hand went back to her room to hear Kitty tell how she almost gave Lance a heart attack earlier. Normally Rogue would have told Kitty to go F-herself sideways with a chainsaw, but for some reason she was in a surprisingly good mood that evening. 


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I own no one with the exception of the international assassin.  
  
Chapter 8  
  
Remy slept until about 2 o'clock in the afternoon and woke up still feeling like crap. He had had enough. Screw the X-Men he was going back, maybe Mags could help him, although probably not. He didn't care any more, the pain was getting stronger and all he wanted was familiar surroundings. That was it he was going to take evasive action!  
  
He was going to find the way out of this hell hole and return to the out world!  
  
Yes!  
  
Nothing was going to stand in his way!  
  
Now if he could only ignore the pain enough to stand upright.  
  
Shit.  
  
Remy went down for the count three steps from the bed. This was not going to be as easy as was first anticipated. But Remy would not be deterred that easily from his mission for freedom.  
  
He fell against the wall. Who knew: movement would only aggravate his symptoms further?  
  
By some grace of whatever All Mighty is out there, Remy made it up to the ground level. Everything was going swimmingly until he took a wrong turn into the kitchen where he came face to face with not only Logan, but Storm. Oh ya, life didn't get much better than this, what next the apocalypse?  
  
"Child, how did you get up here?" asked Storm.  
  
"I took de stairs." said Remy leaning against the doorway.  
  
"Funny, kid," said Logan, "try again."  
  
"Would you b'leve Remy's on de (cough) self-guided tuor?"  
  
Storm and Logan looked at each other and then back at Remy, "NO!"  
  
"Worth de shot, non?" said Remy trying to muster a false laugh.  
  
"Looks like you were try'n to leave, to me. Whadda you think Storm?" asked Logan.  
  
"I admit that is what the situation appears to be." said Storm trying to conceal a smirk.  
  
Remy sank to the floor, "Wait, ya'll were sent here weren't ya?"  
  
"I am afraid we were. Professor Xavior wanted you to see some of the facilities and we figured a guided tour would only bore you." Storm explained.  
  
"Dat's great." Remy said sarcastically as his jaw set from pain.  
  
"Ok, I think that's enough excitement for one day," said Logan putting down his beer, "let's get you back to bed."  
  
"I feel fine," Remy persisted as Logan got closer.  
  
"You feel fine? Oh really, can you stand?" asked Logan cynically.  
  
"I don' see how that has anytin' to do wid dis."  
  
Before Logan or Storm had a chance to respond Rogue almost tripped over Remy as she walked into the kitchen.  
  
"This won't end well." thought Logan.  
  
"Damn it, Swamp Rat, are you bein' a pain in the ass again?!" asked Rogue.  
  
Remy gave Logan a "say something before she kills me" look.  
  
"C'mon, back downstairs," said Rogue as she yanked him on his feet.  
  
"Easy, Stripes!" said Logan.  
  
"Ow," said Remy hoarsely, "dis is de most pain Remy's ever been in."  
  
Storm cringed as Rogue maneuvered one of Remy's arms around her shoulders, "here," she said filling a plastic bag with ice, "take this with you."  
  
Rogue took the ice begrudgingly and headed to the lower levels with Remy. Once back in his room, Rogue put Remy down on the bed and then applied the ice to his stomach. Remy shuddered at cold.  
  
-----------  
  
Back in the kitchen Storm and Logan remained talking.  
  
"She has daggers for him." Storm said once the dynamic duo were out of ear shot.  
  
"I hear ya, Stormy," Logan admitted, "I really didn't want to leave him with her yesterday in the med lab. I was half expectin' to find pieces of him all over the room when I went back in."  
  
Storm chuckled, "I doubt he will attempt an escape with Rogue on guard."  
  
"I pity him if he does," said Logan laughing, "who knows what torture she'd subject him to."  
  
-----------  
  
"What'er you doin'?" asked Rogue as Remy as he tore part of the bag off.  
  
"An experiment, Chère, we are in a medical facility, non?"  
  
"If the next words out of your mouth have something to do with play'n doctor Ah swear you will nevah have children." threatened Rogue.  
  
"Do you wanna know or non? If oui, den come closer."  
  
Rogue hesitated for a minute then leaned in for a closer look. Before she knew what happened Remy put the thin piece of plastic over his lips and pulled her towards him with his free hand. Remy was able to hold Rouge in a kiss for about 5 seconds before she jerked her body away from him and gave him the slap of his life. She hit him so hard he almost fell off of the bed and had he she would have gone with him.  
  
"Well, Ah nevah!" she yelled before storming out of the room (no pun intended).  
  
"Remy tinks she like him. Remy also tink she broke his jaw." he said rubbing his sore mandible.  
  
Ah, Mr. Labeau, I'm glad to see you're awake." said Hank as he came into the room with a clipboard and the Professor.  
  
"Remy's glad one of us is," he said look longingly at the door.  
  
"What?" asked Hank.  
  
"Notin'"  
  
"We just came to tell you about your mystery woman and to give you an antidote to the poison."  
  
"Poison?!" asked Remy.  
  
"Yes, made from a rare plant only found in Guam, which is normally formed into a solid resembling a crystal. It's almost untraceable." explained the Professor.  
  
"You mean the jewels over her eyes." concluded Remy.  
  
"Precisely," said Professor X.  
  
"But who was she?" asked Remy as he watched Hank prepare a syringe.  
  
"An international assassin for the C.I.A." said the Professor, "There is very little information on her other than she is normally referred to as 'She-Wolf', she is the C.I.A's most valued and ruthless agent, a mutant and she is said to have once worked for Magneto."  
  
Now Professor X had Remy's undivided attention, "What did de filly want with Remy?"  
  
"The only answer I can come up with is that she wanted you to lead her to him for some reason."  
  
"Merde!" yelped Remy as Hank stuck him with the needle.  
  
"I thought it best to get out of the way while you were distracted." said Hank.  
  
"All we found is in this folder." said Professor Xavior, "Oh and Remy you are welcome to stay here as long as you want."  
  
"Ah'll keep dat in mind." said Remy a she watched Hank preparing another shot, "We can talk about this, non?" pleaded Remy.  
  
"It's just a sedative Mr. Labeau. I want to make sure this antidote works before you gallivanting off and the best way to keep you in one place is to sedate you, no offence." said Hank as he gave Remy yet another needle.  
  
Before Remy had a chance to respond he passed out. Hank covered him with a blanket and Professor X left the folder on then nightstand before they left. 


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I own no one with the exception of the international assassin.  
  
Chapter 9  
  
Logan and Rogue walked past Remy's room a few hours later to find it empty.  
  
"Ah knew he'd run the second we left him alone." Rogue said coldly, "Whadda jerk."  
  
"Would ya relax, Stripes? Look, he left his stuff." said Logan, "He'll come back eventually. He couldn't stay if her wanted to, he has to go sever his connections with Magneto first if he wants to live here."  
  
"Whatevah," said Rogue looking longingly at the now melted bag of ice.  
  
-----------  
  
Back at the brotherhood's house Lance and Kitty were having a 'lovers spat', while Pietro, Wanda, Toad and Blob watched from the living room doorway with great amusement. Ever since Kitty pulled that prank on Lance he had been a little more than on edge. The only way he thought to put his mind to rest was to have Kitty take pregnancy test.  
  
"No way!" yelled Kitty.  
  
"Why do you have something to hide?!" accused Lance holding a white paper bag from the pharmacy.  
  
"Lance, it was a joke!" yelled Kitty.  
  
"I don't believe you!" yelled Lance.  
  
"You don't believe me?" said Kitty on what seemed the verge of tears.  
  
"Stop it, Kitty. I know that you're BULLSHITTING ME!"  
  
It was at this point Remy walked in.  
  
"FINE!" yelled Kitty as she seized the bag and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door be hind her.  
  
Lance spun around to come face to face with Remy.  
  
"Back so soon from Buffalo?" stammered Lance.  
  
"Remy don' even wanna know, Pup." he said as he walked past Lance and went up to his room.  
  
Remy walked into his room to find a new box of zip-lock plastic bags sitting on the foot of his bed, "What de hell?" asked Remy in rather a confused state.  
  
Behind him he heard the door creak and shut. Remy spun around to see Rogue standing behind the door wearing nothing, but one of his shirts and holding a pitcher ond two glasses.  
  
"Up fo' some 'sex on the beach', Swamp Rat?" asked Rogue.  
  
"Dat's exactly what Remy in de mood for, Chère." said Remy with a wicked smile as reached for the box on his bed.  
  
"OH, SHIT!" yelled Kitty from the first floor.  
  
The next sound was that of Lance's body falling on the floor.  
  
Wanda as the only other woman among men came forward when Kitty walked out of the bathroom, "I take it things didn't work out the way you had hoped."  
  
"Tell me about it." said Kitty, "I broke a nail!"  
  
Wanda, Blob, Pietro and Toad couldn't help, but laughing their asses off. 


End file.
